I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
