Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
