just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
