I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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