dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
