i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
