Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
