So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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