I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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