Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
