just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
