I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
