I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
