wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
