hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
