He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
