i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
