so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
