Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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