we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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