I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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