Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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