break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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