Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
