Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
