is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
