My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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