Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So vagazzling was a success
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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