It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
