sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
