your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
