just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
