Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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