I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
