You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
