i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
