how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
