Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
