My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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