Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
