She just used a chaser for red wine.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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