So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
