He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
