3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
