youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
