the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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