My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
