Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
