"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
