apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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