That's intense
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
