Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
