Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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