Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She bit a glass in half.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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