I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
