Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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