you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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