In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize