He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
